Scary and Spooky

Mr Fledermaus

Our teacher, Mr Fledermaus, seems frightened of the light.
He comes to school before the dawn, and goes home late at night.
His face is almost deathly pale; he wears a long black cloak.
And with those little pointy teeth he really looks a joke.

He ought to eat much more, he should put on a bit of weight,
But he left the garlic mushrooms in a pile upon his plate.
He often nips into the loo, to comb his sleek, black hair,
But they say that, in the mirror, no reflection greets him there!

The weirdest things upset him, like that time, the other day,
I was sharpening my pencil, and he winced, and looked away.
I think Miss Cartwright fancies him, and though she’s quite a wreck,
He does seem strangely taken with her long and shapely neck!

First published in ‘Top Secret Lives of Teachers’, edited by Brian Moses, published by Macmillan, 2002.

Don’t Put Out the Light!

Don’t put out the light!
For a crocodile might
Wander by in the night
And be tempted, despite
Knowing it’s impolite,
To partake of a bite.
Yes, you’re probably right
That the danger is slight,
But don’t put out the light!

Check under the bed!
For some beasts, I have read,
When they haven’t been fed,
Get it into their head
To try hunting instead.
And though it’s been said
That they may prefer bread
Thick with chocolate spread,
Please check under the bed!

Don’t put out the light!
No, I’m not in a fright,
I’m not getting uptight,
I am quite, quite all right.
But I half thought you might,
To be mean, out of spite,
So, just for tonight,
As you wish me goodnight
Please don’t put out the light!!!

Sinister Symphony

Warlocks whisper,
Coffins creak,
Tombstones tumble,
Spirits speak.

Phantoms frolic,
Monsters moan,
Serpents slither,
Gremlins groan.

Crones cackle,
Demons dance.
Am I staying?
Not a chance!

First published in ‘Shorts’, edited by Paul Cookson, published by Macmillan, 2000.