Mouses in Houses

I’ve a mouse in my house,
With a louse on the mouse,
And my neighbour said: ‘Hey! Same as me.’

We’ve two lice, on two mice,
And two mice, in two hice.
Put your hand up if you disagree.

Tea With Anagram Granama

I went for tea with Anagram Granama,
And this is what I had:
Nab nose stoat,
Freshi fings,
Chewis and mash,
Pongee scak,
Demon ale,
And a bowl of
Rancid lyce eel jam.

Anagram Granama wasn’t very hungry,
So she made do with a slice of
Burnt rat be dead
And a nice
Pue of cat.

(An anagram is made by mixing up the letters in the words. See below for what we had to eat.)

Nab nose stoat = Beans on toast
Freshi fings = Fish fingers
Chewis and mash = Ham sandwiches
Pongee scak = Sponge cake
Demon ale = Lemonade
Rancid lyce eel jam = Jelly and ice cream
Burnt rat be dead = Bread and butter
Pue of cat = Cup of tea

If I Were a Bumblebee

If I were a bumblebee,
Would I be a humblebee?
A grumpy, grouchy grumblebee?
A clumsy, bumble-stumblebee?
A muttering, murmuring mumblebee?
A tough and rough-and-tumblebee?
Or a paunchy, portly, chuckly, chortly, full of apple crumblebee?

Pick Yourself an ‘Ology

You wanna be a scientist?
Just pick yourself an ‘ology.
It doesn’t matter what it means,
You’ll learn the terminology.

Psych-, myc-,
Physi-, soci-,
Dermat-, haemat-,
Primat-, climat-,

Wanna be a scientist?
Just pick yourself an ‘ology.
The list is never ending,
It could fill a fat anthology.

O-, zo-,
The-, ge-,
Lith-, myth-,
Hom-, pom-,
Crimin-, termin-,
Volcan-, campan-,
Demon-, phon-,
And dendochron-.

You wanna be a scientist?
Just pick yourself an ‘ology.
And those I’ve missed out of the list,
Have my profound apology.

Mr Babbage’s Computer

Mr Babbage
Designed a computer,
Like lots of people do.
But Mr Babbage
Finished his
In 1822.

No keyboard
And no CD-ROM,
Machined from solid steel,
With rods and gears
And levers
And a great big driving wheel.

Mr Babbage
Planned some more,
Yet didn’t live to see ‘em.
But you can find one
Working,
In the London Science Museum.

Alexander Graham Bell Tests the First Telephone

Hello?
Anyone there?
The first call to be made
On the very first telephone.
Hello?

Hello?
There’s no reply.
Would, perhaps, a second
Telephone be useful?
Hello?

Hello?
A phone for me,
And one for you as well.
That’s better. Try again. Bother! It’s
Engaged.

Joining Things Together

You can staple it or screw it,
You can paste or pin or glue it,
You can stitch it, you can sew it,
Ask your teacher and she’ll show it.
You can plait it, you can tie it,
It’s not difficult, just try it,
You can weld or you can solder
(With the help of someone older).

But if all of those should fail,
Use a great big nail!

I Made It Out Of …

I made a hammer
Out of glass.
Did it matter?
Did it shatter?

I made a window pane
From wood.
Why did I do it?
I can’t see through it!

I made a football
Out of steel.
Tried to belt it.
Ow! I felt it!

I made an anchor
Out of plastic.
Did it sink?
What do you think?

I made mistakes,
That, there’s no doubt of.
So, what would you
Have made them out of?

Up in Smoke

Cornelius loved Chemistry,
It had a strange attraction.
The final words he spoke were: ‘Sir?
Is this a chain reaction?’

First published in ‘Shorts’, edited by Paul Cookson, Macmillan Children’s Books, 2000.

Big ‘G’

I’m Gravity. Just call me ‘G’,
And there’s no getting away from me.
I’m the biggest force in every town
Whatever goes up, I pull it right back down.
Though you can’t see me, I’ve got hold of you
And I’m part of everything you do.
I keep you on the ground, every place you go,
I make raindrops fall, I make rivers flow,
I make climbing hard, I make sledging fun,
I make shopping heavy for everyone.
I keep the moon up there in its proper place,
I make shooting stars fall out of space,
I keep the food on your plate, the drink in your cup,
If it wasn’t for me, everything would fall UP!

I’m Gravity. I’m big, big ‘G’,
And you’ll never, never, ever get away from me.